Shakespeare on Toast: Getting a Taste for the Bard Read online

  Praise for Shakespeare on Toast

  ‘Ben Crystal’s witty and engaging book is a relaxed, user-friendly reminder that enjoying Shakespeare should be as easy as breathing.’ Dominic Dromgoole, Artistic Director of Shakespeare’s Globe

  ‘A brilliantly enjoyable, light-hearted look at Shakespeare which dispels the myths and makes him accessible to all. I love it!’ Judi Dench

  ‘Ben Crystal’s excellent book is an ideal way to gain an understanding of why Shakespeare is so brilliant and so enjoyable.’ Sir Richard Eyre

  ‘A masterclass for modern beginners and old hands alike.’ The Times

  ‘Humorous, unpretentious and fascinating.’ Independent on Sunday

  ‘A tasty snack with genius … Having Crystal as a companion through the stickier parts of Hamlet and Macbeth is like going to the theatre with an intelligent friend … Crystal tries his damnedest as an actor, scholar and Shakespeare’s biggest fan to demystify the Bard for doubting 21st-century theatre-phobics.’ Katy Guest, Independent

  ‘There are gems of close reading and theatrically focused attention throughout … Crystal ends up admirably succeeding in his ambition to provide a toolbox for getting to grips with Shakespeare’s plays.’ Steven Poole, Guardian

  ‘Remarkable … This book should be read.’ Sydney Morning Herald

  ‘Ben Crystal is the Jamie Oliver of Shakespeare.’ BBC Radio 5

  ‘An exhilarating and impassioned introduction to Shakespeare’s plays.’ Shakespeare Bookshop Newsletter

  ‘A succulent slice of the Bard … Crystal wears his erudition lightly … Enormously enjoyable!’ Good Book Guide

  ‘Fascinating and wide-reaching.’ Linguist

  ‘Ben Crystal is a “restaurateur” par excellence for serving up a seemingly simple snack that actually has enough complexity to delight a gourmet.’ Times Educational Supplement

  ‘Insightful blasts of textual analysis’ Times Literary Supplement

  ‘An excellent introductory text.’ Glasgow Herald

  ‘Shakespeare on Toast is reassuring and appealing … you’ll want all your Shakespeare-resistant friends to read it.’ Around The Globe

  ‘Fascinating … Ben’s knowledge comes across naturally and without pretension. He brings the understanding of an actor together with the analysis of an academic and it works.’ National Association for the Teaching of English, Classroom magazine

  ‘Fun and fascinating … English staff would be delighted with Crystal’s practical suggestions to help the reader in deciphering and appreciating Shakespeare’s works as they stand rather than “in translation”.’ School Librarian

  ‘An excellent dish indeed … Highly recommended.’ bookbag.co.uk

  ‘Ideal for reading on the go. Ben Crystal has made it easier for readers new to Shakespeare to approach his plays, and he has also given possibly jaded Shakespeare teachers and students a light and breezy refresher course.’ hushhourhash.blogspot.com

  ‘Could Ben Crystal be the Simon Schama of literature? Crystal succeeds in providing a pacey, informative and accessible “manual” to Shakespeare.’ inthenews.co.uk

  ‘An enthusiast bursts the bubble of Shakespeare elitism, opening its doors to all … This should be required reading for actors, anyone doing English Literature at school or university. Highly recommended.’ civilian-reader.blogspot.com

  ‘[Shakespeare on Toast focuses] on the universality and time lessness of Shakespeare’s appeal by unravelling the poetry and its impact on our language, as well as the whole notion of what constitutes “entertainment” in our times.’ Publishing News

  Printed edition first published in the UK in 2008 by

  Icon Books Ltd, Omnibus Business Centre,

  39–41 North Road, London N7 9DP

  email: [email protected]

  www.iconbooks.net

  This electronic edition published in the UK in 2012

  by Icon Books Ltd

  ISBN: 978-1-84831-477-1 (ePub format)

  ISBN: 978-1-84831-478-8 (Adobe ebook format)

  Text copyright © 2008, 2009, 2012 Ben Crystal

  The author has asserted his moral rights

  Extract from The Last Action Hero © 1993 Columbia Pictures Industries, Inc.

  All rights reserved. Courtesy of Columbia Pictures.

  Extract from Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit © 2005 Aardman Animations Ltd.

  All rights reserved.

  Lyrics from ‘Shakespeare’ reproduced by kind permission of Akala and Illa State Records.

  Every effort has been made to seek permission to reproduce other copyright material.

  Drawing on page 51 by Jim Alexander

  Graph on page 217 by Nick Halliday

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form, or by any means, without prior permission in writing from the publisher.

  Typeset in Minion by Wayzgoose

  Contents

  Cover

  Praise for Ben Crystal

  Title Page

  Copyright

  About the Author

  Prologue

  Act 1: Setting the Scene

  Scene 1: Hollywood

  Scene 2: A Present-Day Street

  Scene 3: A Library

  Scene 4: Stratford-Upon-Avon

  Scene 5: An Elizabethan Theatre

  Scene 6: A Classroom

  Scene 7: A Soap Opera Set

  Act 2: Curtain Up

  Scene 1: Mars, 23rd Century

  Scene 2: The Globe, Bankside, 17th Century

  Scene 3: A Galaxy Far, Far Away

  Scene 4: A Room Full of Character

  Scene 5: Venice, Verona, Vienna

  Scene 6: The Mind of a 21st-Century Fellow

  Scene 7: Walford, Home of the God of Love

  Act 3: Listen Carefully

  Scene 1: The Year 2001

  Scene 2: A Library

  Scene 3: 13th-Century England. A Field

  Scene 4: A Christmas Tree, Liverpool

  Act 4: Catch the Rhythm

  Scene 1: Theatre Way, Wigan

  Scene 2: A Kitchen, Baking Verse-Cake

  Scene 3: A Cardiac Unit

  Scene 4: A Maternity Ward

  Scene 5: Breaking the law at Ronnie Scott’s Jazz Club, London

  Scene 6: A Kitchen: 154 Ways to Cook an Egg

  Scene 7: An Orchestra Pit

  Act 5: Enjoy the Play

  Scene 1: A London Printers, 1622

  Scene 2: A Graveyard

  Scene 3: Backstage at Shakespeare’s Globe, 1599

  Scene 4: Brooklyn, 1990

  Scene 5: London, England, 1600s

  Scene 6: The Mind of an Elizabethan, 1605

  Scene 7: A Castle, Scotland, 11th Century

  Scene 8: 221b Baker Street

  Scene 9: The London Underground

  Scene 10: Checklist

  Epilogue

  Props

  Supporting Artists

  Stage Management

  Index

  About the author

  Ben Crystal is an actor and writer. He studied English Language and Linguistics at Lancaster University before training at Drama Studio London. He has worked in TV, film and theatre, including the reconstructed Shakespeare’s Globe, London, and is a narrator for RNIB Talking Books, Channel 4 and the BBC. He co-wrote Shakespeare’s Words (Penguin 2002) and The Shakespeare Miscellany (Penguin 2005) with David Crystal, and regularly gives talks and workshops on Shakespeare.

  He lives in London, and online at www.bencrystal.com

  Prologue

  Never, never, never, never, never.

  King Lear, Act 5, Scene 3, lin
e 306

  That quote is one of the most stunning lines in Shakespeare, and after reading this book you’ll be able to give a number of very good reasons why this is true.

  But first and foremost: this book is not a number of things.

  This book is not a particularly ‘actorly’ book, full of stories of acting Shakespeare. There are plenty of other books out there full of fabulous anecdotes about acting Shakespeare.

  Nor is this really a scholarly book, full of incredibly complicated analyses of structures and themes that may (or may not) be in Shakespeare’s plays. There are plenty of academic books already out there too.

  When I began to write this book, I looked around to see if anyone else had already done a similar thing, and while there are plenty of quite tricky, advanced books on Shakespeare, and plenty of ‘Shakespeare Made Easy’-type books, there didn’t seem to be one that tried to make Shakespeare’s plays accessible without dumbing them down.

  There are also dozens of ‘Introductions to Shakespeare’ available. I couldn’t find a single one that shows the reader how to make Shakespeare their own; that once read, has given them the ability to go to any Shakespeare play and feel comfortable reading or watching it.

  This book is certainly not the only way into Shakespeare.

  But it is quick, easy, straightforward, and good for you.

  Just like beans on toast.

  Act 1

  Setting the Scene

  Scene 1

  Hollywood

  Here’s a thing: Shakespeare is partly responsible for the film career of Arnold Schwarzenegger.

  Schwarzenegger got his first part in an American film (Hercules in New York) because Joe Weider, his friend and promoter, convinced the film’s producers that Arnie had been a great Shakespearian actor in Austria, which, of course, he hadn’t.

  As it turns out, Weider’s claim didn’t end up being so far from the truth: in 1993, in the film The Last Action Hero, the world’s biggest fan of the world’s best action hero imagines Schwarzenegger as a Terminator-style Hamlet. The boy is watching Laurence Olivier in the 1948 Hamlet: Hamlet is about to kill Claudius – but hesitates, ponders the situation. ‘Don’t talk. Just do it!’ the boy mutters at the screen. Suddenly, the muscle-bound Schwarzenegger has replaced Olivier:

  HAMLET: Hey Claudius? You killed my father … [He picks Claudius up] Big mistake! [He throws Claudius through a stained-glass window; Claudius’ body falls down a cliff]

  NARRATOR: Something is rotten in the state of Denmark, and Hamlet is taking out the trash! [Multiple shots of Hamlet fighting and killing guards. He slices through a curtain with his sword to reveal Polonius standing behind it. Polonius pushes Hamlet’s sword aside]

  POLONIUS: [smiling] Stay thy hand, fair prince.

  HAMLET: Who said I’m fair? [He shoots Polonius with an Uzi. Multiple shots of Hamlet walking through Elsinore castle, shooting soldiers with his Uzi]

  NARRATOR: No one is going to tell this sweet prince good night.

  HAMLET: [cigar in his mouth] To be or not to be? [taking out his lighter] Not to be. [lights his cigar, castle explodes]

  Schwarzenegger as Hamlet? Surprising, perhaps, but Shakespeare really does seem to get everywhere in this modern life. Slightly less surprising might be Shakespeare’s part in the budding career of the young Sir John Gielgud, who became one of the most acclaimed Shakespearian actors of the 20th century.

  Gielgud’s first job as a professional actor was as a spear-carrier in a 1921 production of Henry V. One of the smallest parts in a play, a spear-carrier usually has very few lines (if any), and as the name suggests, the part requires the actor to stand still at the back of the stage, holding a spear/sword/bowl of fruit, look pretty, and bow. Not to be discouraged by his measly one line, the young actor continued acting, and eight years later Gielgud performed what many people say was the greatest Hamlet ever.

  Hamlet is considered to be the most sought-after and the most elusive role for actors, and the play remains the most produced of Shakespeare’s works; countless productions, interpretations and re-interpretations have been dreamt up, trying to nail down The Definitive Hamlet. Schwarzenegger’s, though, is the only one to have thrown Claudius out of a window.

  Talk about character assassination.

  Scene 2

  A present-day street

  Shakespeare invented the word assassination, a Bard-fact that will always boggle my mind. The word assassin has an 8th-century Arabic origin, but assassination is all Shakespeare.

  Even-handed, far-off, hot-blooded, schooldays, well-respected are Shakespeare’s too, as are useful, moonbeam and subcontract. If not for William S, we would be without laughing yourself into stitches, setting your teeth on edge, not sleeping a wink, being cruel only to be kind, and playing fast and loose, all adding to what turns out to be a very long list. In total, he introduced around 1,700 words and a horde of well-known phrases that we still use today.

  Most of us would be happy if we added just one word to the language, never mind well over a thousand that last over 400 years.

  Think (or Google) assassination and JFK comes up. Then, most likely, Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King and Julius Caesar. Their assassins are just as infamous: John Wilkes Booth, Lee Harvey Oswald, Brutus et al. Not to mention Guy Fawkes, one of the best-known (although failed) assassins, who attempted to blow up King James I and Parliament in November 1605.

  Shortly after Fawkes’ botched effort, Shakespeare wrote Macbeth, partly, some think, in response to the civil unrest of the time. Macbeth is also the play in which he coined the word assassination.

  Now, in the early 21st century, Shakespeare really is everywhere.

  Elvis quotes him in his No. 1 hit ‘Are You Lonesome Tonight?’ His plays are performed everywhere in countless languages. There have been productions using actors from all over the planet in the virtual computer world, Second Life. At the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in 2007 (which runs for only 22 days) there were over 30 productions, either of his plays or that used his plays as a starting point. And he’s not just in theatres, of course.

  Although the first film of a Shakespeare play (King Lear) was made way back in 1899, it’s probably Baz Luhrmann’s 1996 movie Romeo + Juliet that has done more in recent times than anything else to make Shakespeare more of a household name.

  With 725 films to his name in March 2009, this writer from a small Warwickshire town four centuries ago is far and away the most prolific writer of movies: in 2005 alone, there were sixteen films made of his plays (never mind the thousands of fridge magnets, mugs and soft toys of his likeness).

  The only writers with more screen credits to their names aren’t writers of movies, but writers of soap operas. It’s become a bit of a cliché to say it, but it’s still true: if Shakespeare were alive today he’d be writing for the soaps rather than the movies or the theatre.

  But more on that later.

  Scene 3

  A library

  Despite this fame and apparent worldwide success, there’s something about Shakespeare that makes him inaccessible to many people. It seems that

  Shakespeare has become classed as high art – as literature. He didn’t start out that way. His plays were originally the tools of actors; only much later were they books to read rather than plays to perform. Literature with a capital L has claimed him, and that acclaim has caused modern Shakespeare audiences either to revere or to hate him, neither of which are Good Things.

  Shakespeare often appears cumbersome because it looks like he wrote in Olde English, which can make his plays seem to be full of unfamiliar words.

  Shakespeare writes in poetry a fair amount of the time, and the very idea of ‘poetry’ puts a lot of people off. Not only that, but he uses a style of poetry that can be daunting just to look at.

  The upshot of all this is that Shakespeare is often dumbed down and made ‘accessible’ by diluting, translating or rewriting his plays into modern English to try to draw people to his work. Eithe
r that or he’s ignored in a cocktail of panic and preconception that he’ll be too much hard work or just plain dull.

  But Shakespeare is the man who made people believe there was an island owned by a magician (in The Tempest) and that statues could come to life by the power of love (in The Winter’s Tale).

  He’s only Literature-with-a-capital-L until you put him back into context as an Elizabethan writer, not a 21stcentury idol. Then, once you discover the key to it all, reading Shakespeare’s poetry is a bit like following the clues in a Sherlock Holmes novel, or reading The Da Vinci Code: when you discover that he wrote his directions to his actors into the poetry, and work out how to decipher them, it all makes a lot more sense.

  As for the words, well, admittedly, some of the words he uses might not have been in general use for a few hundred years, but a rather cooperative 95 per cent are words we know and use every day.

  Hold that thought for a second: only 5 per cent of all the different words in all of Shakespeare’s plays will give you a hard time. That means there’s more contextual knowledge needed to watch an episode of the American political TV drama series The West Wing than there is to get through one of Shakespeare’s plays.

  The problem is, many give up by the time they get to the words. Successfully vault the Long Jump of Literature, stumble over the Pit of Poetry, take a quick look at the actual words he used, and the slightly odd spellings slam the final nail in the coffin. Whichever play has been briefly picked up is left once more to gather dust.

  This isn’t the way it has to be.

  I’m going to show you how to read the instruction manual that is a Shakespeare play, because that’s what they all are. Manuals, written by Shakespeare, for his actors, on how to perform great stories. It’s the method that got me into the plays, and if it worked for me, who once wouldn’t be seen dead near a production of Shakespeare, it’ll work for you.

  The key to it all is Theatre: both the space he wrote for and the event that the people were paying to see.

  Scene 4

  Stratford-upon-Avon